Saturday, May 09, 2009

Tall Extra Hot Chai - Made Sweet

For long (very long) I had felt the absence from my dashboard...many things changes with time - I changed and so the blog ... I have been groping for a topic to pick up the threads left long ago and concluded to write upon the way of life - success and more of failures( since its taste is still fresh), how they affect you and how they render you a personality.

How do we grow in life? once, we reach a frame of certain size. You don't have to be a seer to retort - Experiences !! (I add under my breath - if we survive one ). Well, how do we then measure it?

The ups and downs in our lives test our metal. They bring us in close proximity to ourselves. They are the mirrors in which we see ourselves. They give us a chance to hug ourselves. It is this touch - the dawn of our wisdom. It's a paradox of life, that we learn more from our failures than form our success. Did I say failure? am I saying that you fail more to acquire more wisdom?

Well, we take a step forward and sometimes fell down, right on our face. Is it a failure? may be not - that one forward step, was doomed to bring you down on your face. Is it a mistake? may be not - that one forward step, was a conscious action taken in full faith to gain success. 

Actually, as I mull on it, that failure is  more a Ignorance  -  A blinding pride, assumed assumptions (on our part and mostly on other's behalf), possessed with the spells of desires, as soon as we take that step, we fall. It is because when we fall we see, the bubble of pride exploded, assumptions shattered, desires mowed down, stripped off with every little illusions about self and find ourselves naked, face to face with the world. Alas !! The humility sinks in, which is difficult to admit to the world and impossible to admit to ourselves. I think this is what we loosely call as FAILURE. 

I have always wondered, this so called failures, are not for the frail hearts. Only the worthy comes out winners, others they loose everything starting from mind....

WISDOM -  is what we learn from the process of getting ourselves up on our foot (after above described GOOD FALL) , in gaining the grounds back below our feet. How do we muster courage to get up, to stand again on one's feet. No body is there to give you hand, because they are busy in laughing their hearts out (not only others, sometimes even our dear ones ... remember the story by Tolstoy "God sees the truth but waits" what does the wife goes and ask her husband in prison ? ). 

The only way to get up,  The only way I got up - is the thought that "Its my action and my decision now whatever comes out of it, good or bad is all MINE"... no one can put it better than Ghalib

Apni he khudi se ho, jo kuch bhi ho,
aagahi na sahi , gaaflat he sahi !!

(whatever happens, must happen,  out of my own ego (EGO - one's own self) 
if not  cognizance or alertness (aagahi -cheetna) , be it my laxity (gaaflat - asaawdhaani) ) - excuse my incapacity to translate the magic of a sher

The other important thing, that helps and had helped me, is to admit to ourselves the humility and our ignorance. It was a very hard lesson to practice, now it comes to me, if not easily but with much less efforts. It did wonder's to me .... I was able to laugh on myself, I was able to make a joke of myself, I was able to be silly and serious at the same time, I came to know my capabilities and incapability's, I came to know who I am and what I am not, I came to know the measure of my patience, it added to my tolerance, it certainly busted all the illusions about self and others, for example, I discovered a friend within and able to see a friend among hundreds of friendly people, it bent me in many ways unimaginable,  that I gained, that flexibility and known the limits when I will break,it made me accommodating, it gave me the eyes to see the beauty even in a barren tree, it gave me ears to recognize that sweet music in the rhythm of life, it gave me back my hands to hold that weeping heart, my lips trembled with those heeling words - which every one longs to hear in those desperate moments and realized only you can say those words to yourself, I was armed with that inevitable perception or imagination - which is required to put myself in other person's shoes and to say truly " I Understand", I learnt to guard my self respect and to regard it in others, learn the meaning and gist of relationships, Yes !! overwhelmed me with optimism, preached me the art of living and how to savour the juices of each passing moment, came to know, the dignity of being human, it overwhelmed me with humbleness and made me human.  

All these, I could not have learned from any book, in any national or international school ... except my penchant to tread the path of life on my own, to take pride in my decisions and to accept, whole hearted, whatever good or bad comes along my way and most important, the very TRUST in myself.

Recently, just a week back, at my work, I made some silly mistakes, not that I did it deliberately but somehow I missed it ... I just missed it to see it before hand though I toiled myself to give my best shot and with all alertness.... Oh Hell !! no excuses, I openly admitted to my seniors, my mistakes. Said sorry to myself and to them. I lived my days in humongous humility,shame,agony, anger, pain, hopelessness, bitterness ... etc.. it looks like, whatever I touched, it failed and I fall flat on my face. 

Now, when all that storm passed away and I gained back some of my senses. As, I reflect upon those chain of events, it dawned on me, that in those acerbic days, in all bitterness, the only sweetest thing that chanced upon me, was my SWEET extra hot tall chai in the morning, that I still buy from Starbucks before stepping into the office building.

How strange !! a little insignificant act, executed without giving a thought, in the perspective, surge  a new life, a new hope and renders you appease and gratified.

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